well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
