it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
