Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
