Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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