She said her name was "party"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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