I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
