you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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