Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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