Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
