O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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