Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
