I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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