Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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