I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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