Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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