You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
