You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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