2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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