even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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