...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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