Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize