You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize