$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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