Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
