I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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