I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
