hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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