TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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