I think my vagina is haunted
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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