"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
