all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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