Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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