Say something about gay babies.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
