I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
