he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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