I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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