her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
