so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
