what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
