We're facebook friends in real life
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
