dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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