i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize