hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
