So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize