Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
