We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
