I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
