Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
