I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize