Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
