I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
