Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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