Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
