so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
