2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
