What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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