I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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