I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
