it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
