names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize