He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this hospital has no fireball
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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