She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
