The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
