It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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