hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
