It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
