i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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