I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Terrible idea I love it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
