Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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