thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
