so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
