I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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