yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
