By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
