You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
