Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
