Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
