Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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