I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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