In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My ass is underappreciated
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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