I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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