i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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