I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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