Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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