he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
