accomplished twins. life is a go
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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