I have demons in me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
