I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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