No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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