i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize