i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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