Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
