pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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