3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
